Дурацкие стишки

21/03/2011

Вова Путин

Я вырос в Ленинграде, честно отслужил в ЧК
Теперь сижу в Кремле и тихо радуюсь пока
На вид совсем простой и вовсе не красавец я
А мне навстречу все девчонки улыбаются

Когда под вечер я усталый выхожу во двор
Стоят царь-колокол, царь-пушка и большой собор
Сажусь в машину, улыбаюсь, говорю «Домой»
Сегодня мне не надо больше думать головой

Ведь у меня есть Вова Путин, он всегда со мной
Ведь у меня есть Вова Путин, скромный и простой
Ведь у меня есть Вова Путин, над столом висит
И иногда мне даже лично в кабинет звонит

Вова Путин, Вова Путин
В первом корпусе сидит
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
По-немецки говорит
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
По миру катается
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
Рейтинг подымается

Наш красный Кремль в самом центре городском стоит
И в каждой комнате братан вертушками звенит
Ребята сутками сидят, не знают фитнеса
Все потому что перспективы есть для бизнеса

Стена кремлевская, зубатая как крокодил
Я в школе ничего по бизнесу не проходил
А только мне все нипочем, я не один такой
Я по рублевочке форсю на джипе с крякалкой

Ведь у меня есть Вова Путин, он всегда со мной
Ведь у меня есть Вова Путин, скромный и простой
Ведь у меня есть Вова Путин, лучший президент
Водила, в Жуковке притормози, купи мне «Кент».

Вова Путин, Вова Путин
Самый лучший президент
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
И не страшен даже мент
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
Переизбирается
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
Девкам очень нравится

Я вырос в Ленинграде, честно отслужил в ЧК
Теперь сижу в Кремле и тихо радуюсь пока
На вид совсем простой и вовсе не красавец я
А мне навстречу все девчонки улыбаются

И если кто-нибудь из них попросит: «Покажи»
Я покажу, ведь это будет ото всей души
Я пропуск выпишу и до приемной провожу
Живого Путина простой девчонке покажу

Ведь для того и нужен Путин, он всегда со мной
Ведь для того и нужен Путин, скромный и простой
Ведь для того и нужен Путин — над столом висеть
И иногда простой девчонке чтобы поглядеть

Вова Путин, Вова Путин
В первом корпусе сидит
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
По-немецки говорит
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
По миру катается
Вова Путин, Вова Путин
Девкам очень нравится

1 апреля 2005

* * *

Борис Березовский смертельно болен
Лежит в кровати, почти не дышит
Встревожен Лондон, скорбит Тбилиси
В Москве готовят парад победы

Тихо заходит Ахмед Закаев
Идет в гостиную прямо в ботинках
На мягких диванах рыдают артисты
Певцы, музыканты и журналисты

Высокая бабушка в синем платочке
Степенно вяжет на спицах саван
Мужчина в берете с козлиной бородкой
Поет под гитару печальную песню

Несут телеграмму с пометкой «срочно»
Здоровья желает Саакашвили
Приехать не может, дела в Боржоми
А Березовскому хуже и хуже

В Киеве плохо, в Тбилиси ужасно
Аслана убили, мира не будет
Борис Березовский стонет в постели
И задыхается от несвободы

Гусинский страдает, в тюрьме Ходорковский
Касьянова вышвырнули из дома
Забросан предметами Гарри Каспаров
Россия гибнет под гнетом тирана

В спальню врывается Лёня Невзлин
Последний честный еврей на планете
У Лёни Невзлина три проекта
Но Березовский не в силах слушать

Остались последние несколько вздохов
Как нелегко умирать за границей
Надо же было так ошибиться
Сделав эту свинью президентом

Сегодня в России, на Первом канале
Катя Андреева в строгих одеждах
Разложит бумаги, посмотрит тревожно
И скажет: скончался Борис Березовский

Снимите шляпы, налейте водки
Уменьшите громкость Русского радио
Перевернулась страница истории
Сегодня умер Борис Березовский

12 сентября 2005

Дядя Степа

Любовь Константиновна Слиска
Любит обедать в столовой
Государственной Думы, где очень
Недорогие сосиски

В том, что настолько низко
Упала цена на продукты
Немалая доля заслуги
Любви Константиновны Слиски

Без всякого лишнего риска
Для партии и для фигуры
Берет вице-спикер в столовой
Большую тарелку сосисок

Стол вице-спикера близко
К окну, из которого видно
Как вежливо просит покушать
Опрятная серая киска.

У кадки с зеленой березкой
Животное ждет депутатов
Которые часто приносят
Еду и кладут ее в миску

Любовь Константиновна Слиска
Смотрит в окно улыбаясь
И радуясь, что в России
Настолько доступен Вискас

Ей хочется выпить виски
На улице бабье лето
Недавно закончился отпуск
И нету большой нагрузки

Но Слиска пьет чай вприкуску
Старается думать о деле
Спиртное нельзя на работе,
И даже нельзя папироску

В одном из законов описка
Которую надо поправить
Иначе народные массы
Подвергнут правительство встряске

Любовь Константиновна Слиска -
Ответственный вице-спикер.
Достала бумагу и ручку,
Служебную пишет записку

Доярка-орденоноска
Из фракции коммунистов
Подходит к мурлычащей киске
Кладет в её миску мяско

По раме течет замазка
Под тридцать, хотя и сентябрь
Хорошая депутатка,
Пусть даже и коммунистка

Слиска жует ириску
И пишет письмо в комитеты:
«Законы надо поправить,
Вот вам моя подсказка»

Позднее на эту указку
Работники комитетов
Ответят банальной отпиской
Сославшись на перегрузку

Любовь Константиновна Слиска
Знает, что так и случится
И хочет застраховаться
От юридических исков

Она составляет расписку
На имя Бориса Грызлова:
«Я, вице-спикер такой-то,
Верная единоросска,

Пишу исходя из опаски
Возможных народных волнений.
Ряд законодательных актов
Подвергнуть прошу заморозке

Пока олигархи в кутузке
Тоже хотят в депутаты
Нам стоит поостеречься
Но только без лишней огласки

Пусть лучше на хлеборезке
Стоят и не лезут в парламент,
Займутся пусть смазкой, покраской,
Пусть перебирают редиску

Иначе большая утруска
Бюджета почти неизбежна.
А нам такого не надо.»
И подпись: С почтением, Слиска.

Внизу — еле видная сноска:
«Пойдемте сегодня в театр,
Хотите — на легкую пьеску,
А то и на оперу «Тоска».

Любовь Константиновна Слиска
Прячет расписку в папку,
Встает и подходит к окнам
Чтобы поправить прическу

Достав из кармана расческу
И в стекла глядя с улыбкой
Рада великой России
Любовь Константиновна Слиска

Вот инвалид на коляске,
Вот наркоман хочет вмазки
Вот просит денег абхазка,
Вот алкоголик в завязке

Вот девочка чмокает соской
Вот мальчик играет железкой
Вот лезет монтажник в каске
А вот страховщик с автокаско

Любовь Константиновна Слиска
Вдыхает широкой грудью
И радуется безмерно
Душа её великоруска

15 сентября 2005

* * *

Бывают разные партии
Бывают левые, правые
Бывают центристские партии
Бывают объединенные

Бывают партии власти
Бывают женские партии
Бывают партии дедушек
Давно ушедших на пенсию

Бывают зеленые партии
Бывают партии красные
Яблочные, лимоновые,
Оранжево-апельсиновые

На христианскую партию
Найдется своя мусульманская,
А на либеральную партию
Народно-патриотическая

Единые, консервативные,
Аграрные, народовластные,
Гражданские, евразийские,
И интернациональные.

Все эти русские партии
Без преувеличения
Разным слоям населения
Совершенно необходимы

И когда наступает радостный
Праздник выборов в новую Думу
Понимаешь, как же разнообразна
Политическая жизнь родины.

26 сентября 2005

* * *

Артист Шендерович, бывает
Тоскует по благоденствию
Которое ему часто сопутствовало
Во времена президента Ельцина

4 ноября 2005

* * *

Говорят, в гэбне кровавой
Много долларов дают
Оттого в гэбню работать
Люди толпами идут

Как над городом Москвою
Солнце раннее встает
Так полковник с перепою
Людям деньги раздает

И пока гэбня кровава
И пока полковник пьет
Будет счастлива держава
Будет радостен народ

16 ноября 2005

* * *

Энтропия! Энтропия!
Петушок пропел давно!
Скоро старая планета
Разлетится все равно

В этой сложной обстановке
Среди вражеских планет
Мы должны созвать народы
И сказать им наше «Нет!»

Нет — фашизму и нацистам
Нет — пиндосам и хохлам
Нет — гомосексуалистам
Нет — вступлению в ислам

Нет — курятине заморской
Нет — скотам из ВТО
Нет — игрушкам из Загорска
Нет — китайскому пальто

Вместе с тем мы точно знаем
Что все страхи — ерунда
Расширяемся не зря мы
Энтропии — наше «Да!»

Да — напиткам алкогольным
Да — полям, лесам, горам
Да — волнушкам малосольным
Да — хорошим тракторам

Да — вьетнамским мокасинам
Да — ракетам «Булава»
Да — вагонам диоксина
Да — Гонгадзе голова

Вместе дунем кокаина
Перепьемся все в говно
Энтропия! Энтропия!
Петушок пропел давно!

24 ноября 2005

* * *

Раз у заводи, под ивой
Хоронясь, сидела Власть
Ей хотелось быть красивой,
Испытать хотелось страсть

Быть любимой и желанной
Целоваться с милым всласть
Выйти в капельках из ванной
И в объятия упасть

Нежно гладить его руки
Голову на плечи класть
Застонать от сладкой муки
И на небеса попасть

Но не зря в тиши, под ивой
От людей скрывалась Власть
В гладком зеркале залива
Отражалась волчья пасть

Толстые кривые ноги,
Горб, проплешины, прыщи
На глазу бельмо — в убогих
Тычут даже малыши

Власть сидит и тихо плачет
Без любви противно жить
Но никто с такой не хочет
Даже попросту дружить

И на берегу, под ивой
Зябко вздрагивает Власть
Раз не вышло стать красивой
Лучше попросту пропасть

Прыгнуть в воду, утопиться
Чтобы больше не рыдать
Удавиться, застрелиться
Людям все равно плевать

Так никто и не заметит
Как пропала дура-Власть
Разве что ее соседи
Смогут что-нибудь украсть

Два серебряных колечка
Пузырек дрянных духов
Пластиковое сердечко
И тетрадь чужих стихов

В ее комнату заселят
Сына тех, что через дверь
Те, что слева будут против
Только Власти что теперь?

Власть давно уже на небе
Ходит с богом поболтать
Там, на небе, нет соседей
И не надо умирать

Ей плевать на тех, что снизу
Им плевать на то, где Власть
Все довольны, что с карниза
Власть придумала упасть

28 ноября 2005

* * *

Чей противней получился Мухаммад
Спорит Вологда и спорит Волгоград

18 февраля 2006

* * *

Поэт Евгений Евтушенко
В России больше, чем поэт
И даже неуч Кононенко
Его узнал бы силуэт

Поэт Евгений Евтушенко
Живет и трудится в Москвэ
Он просто Гений Евтушенко
И «Е» здесь лишняя, и «В».

Евгений Евтушенко — гений
Его стихи зовут летать
И здесь не может быть двух мнений:
И гимн он смог бы написать.

А гимн печатают в тетрадках
На самой задней стороне
И школьники его украдкой
Заучивают по весне

И дочь Павловского тогда бы
Поэта знала бы портрет
Не тратя годы на учебу
В английский университет

И папе не пришлось тогда бы
Поэту фигу показать
И драматург Розовский тоже
Не стал бы ничего писать

Но Евтушенко был Евгений
И гимн написан был другим
И наш великий светлый гений
Теперь никем не узнавим.

5 марта 2006

* * *

Если третьего срока
Мне уже не видать
На Васильевский остров
Я приду умирать.

28 марта 2006

Чистая любовь

В чистом поле первоцветы
В доме новая кровать
Мы лежим с подружкой Светой
И решаем, кому дать

Можно дать нашисту Коле
Он серьезный и молчит
А когда закончит школу
Ему Путин позвонит

Светке нравится Сережа
Либеральный демократ
Он на Жирика похожий -
Любит всяческий разврат

Я б дала нацболу Моне
Светка — родинцу Илье
И еще из Обороны
Вите, из седьмого “е”

Я б тогда дала фашисту,
Я скинхеду бы дала
Светка с Федей-коммунистом
Нас бы и не догнала

Мы со Светкой выбираем
Нас от выбора пьянит
Вместе сердцем замираем
Груди сладостно томит

В нашей школе столько членов!
Левых, правых и других:
Евразиец Полуменов
И единоросс Долгих

Акээмовец Семенов,
Младояблочник Петров,
Молодогвардеец Ломов,
Евроатлантист Попов!

Демократия — прекрасна
Тоталитаризм — говно
Мы со Светкой — либералки
Мы за плюрализм давно

Приходите к нам Семенов,
Полуменов Никодим,
Моня, Витя, Коля, Ломов
Мы решили — всем дадим.

6 апреля 2006

День Пабеды

Превед, чуваг!
Ты помнишь, сцуко,
Как Гитлер нипадеццки жог
И как кросавчег Гога Жуков
Его убил и Гитлер сдог.

Как мы бухали па акопам
И аказалась — не зазря:
Над чорным бункером крававым
Вставала аццкая заря.

Зобил зоряд я в пушко туго
Рвонул верефко, “Первый нах!”
Как “Дайте две” — кричал Удугов,
Гвордейскай ротты сторшынах

Как вылетало громка пуле
И пёрлозь к Гитлеру жужжа
Как сторшинах читыре дули
Из грязных пальчегов сложа

Как Васся Тёркинг из Томбово
Сцал пряма на баеприпаз
Рисуя сваздигу струею
И прыгоя как пидораз

Фтарой зоряд стриляед громко
И пуле к Гитлеру летид
Над бункиром растед воронко
Удугов как дибил кричид

Василий дозтаед картонко
Шматочег мела из рейтузз
И пишид: шди меня, диффченга
Ты типо шди, и я вернуз

Туд из воронко вылизает,
Сам Гитлер, аццкий сотонах.
И пряма в Тёркинга стриляед
И убеваед Васю нах

Кровисче капоед на букво
Удугов как дибил вопид
Тут на кане скакает Жукафф
И пряма в Гитлера литид

Его агромное кувалдо
И точна Гитлеру в лобень
Зачод! Пабеда! Гитлер падло!
Ржунимагу, вот паипень!

Удугов дапиваит вотко
Я зобиваю косячог
Вайне капец. Бывала жостко
Но в целам было ничего.

Накрылся Гитлер, Васе — славо
Фашызм канкретна заипал
Пелотку маей телки Клаво
Я сильна долга ни видал

Вот паравоз пыхтит к Ростову
С пирона Клаво: Кагдила?
Я так шдала тибя, mon Воффа
Я ей атвечу: Бугога.

Пашли сматредь твою пелотку
Я знаю многа новых позз!
Жыдов типерь не пхают фтоппку
Мы пабедили Холокозд!

И вод мы с нею в чиста поле
А туд навстречу нам Медвед!
Превед! — кричид, — За День Пабеды!
И накрываед нам обед.

Вод таг, чуваг — сидим с Медведом
Жрем мяссо, трём и вотку пьем
И панимаю я — Пабеда!
Теперь мы точна ни памрем!

25 апреля 2006

Подвиг содомита

- Товарищ, я больше не в силах стоять,
сказал содомит содомиту, -
Мне холодно, страшно и хочется ссать,
А скоро приедут бандиты

За правое дело и смерть не страшна,
- товарищ сказал содомиту,
Пусть только появится эта шпана
С их гребаной книгой Левита

На улицу Горького из-за угла
Выходит толпа московитов
В руках одного из них бензопила,
С автографом митрополита

- Смотри, пидарасы! — кричала шпана, -
Безродные космополиты!
Мы Русские люди, и в наших штанах
Святая бейсбольная бита!

- Прощай, дорогой, — побледнев прошептал
один из двоих содомитов
- Отставить прощаться! — другой отвечал,
достав килограмм динамита

Напрасно старушка ждет сына домой,
Сгибаясь от радикулита
Погиб содомит, и унес за собой
Сто сорок четыре бандита

Посмертная грамота от ГУВД,
Проклятье от архимандрита,
Венок от гей-клуба из Улан-Удэ
И памятник из доломита.

Плывут пароходы, гудят поезда,
Таджики лопатами роют,
Нам скоро наступит Святая Пизда™
Салют содомиту-герою!

27 мая 2006

неклюевой

вот тебе баллада, неклюева
валькирия валтасаровна,
стремглавая, ядозубая,
и гневом почти вальпургиева

бывает, на кухне прадедовой
окутанной ночи покровами
сидят гражданины духовные
и кушают блюдо бефстроганов

пьют мёды большими ендовами
папиросы простают дымные
беседы ведут многословные
с серьезными лейтмотивами

а за дверию, в комнате с ваннами
двое граждан духовных племянников
соиты любови порывами
уберегшись презервативами

вот такая баллада, неклюева
валькирия валтасаровна,
бывают трубы фаллопиевы
а бывают и вовсе — евстахиевы

люби без дискуссий, неклюева
не трать свои годы юные
на старых и толстых боровов
погрязших в оплывшем дискурсе

не думай о том, как правильно
в твои девятнадцать, неклюева
жизнь хороша и без дискурса
потому что она заебатая

17 июля 2006

* * *

Я — экстремист, чего же боле?
Что я могу еще сказать?
Теперь я знаю, в вашей воле
Мне в registration отказать

И мой пример — другим наука
Но боже мой, какая сука
Такой придумала закон
В костюме от Comme Des Garcons?!

“Мы все глядим в Наполеоны“, —
Двуногих тварей миллионы”, -
- Писал, не зная экстремизма
Всепоглощающую суть,
Но суд, верховный и достойный
Мне на ошибки указал
И с гонки выборной прогнал.

И как мне знать, что панталоны,
Жилет и фрак — все те слова,
Что в русском нет, и в чем стыдливо
Винился я: “мой бедный слог
Пестреть гораздо б меньше мог
Иноплеменными словами” —
Все это разжигает рознь
По признаку языковому?
И по признанью таковому
Центризбирком мне чинит кознь.

А хлебник, немец аккуратный?
А пары стройных женских ног,
Что не найти в России целой?
А русская хандра? Зачем
Писал я пропаганду
Неполноценности такой?
Зачем нарушил свой покой?

Сижу, курю, и нечем даже
Залить горячий жир котлет -
В России алкоголя нет.
Лафит с Клико теперь негожи,
Зато есть множество идей.
Кто жил и мыслил, тот не может
В душе не презирать людей.

(с) feat Пушкен

* * *

Лето. Конец августа.
Тонут подводные лодки.
Лето. Конец августа.
Горит телевизионная башня.
Лето. Конец августа.
Экономический кризис.
Лето. Конец августа.
Взрыв на Пушкинской площади.
Лето. Конец августа.
Наводнение в Новороссийске.
Лето. Конец августа.
Попытка переворота.
Лето. Конец августа.
Солдаты горят в вертолете.
Лето. Конец августа.
На рынке взрывается бомба.
Лето. Конец августа.
Падают самолеты.
Лето. Конец августа.
Падают, падают, падают.
Сто человек. Четырнадцать.
Девять. Сто восемнадцать.
Восемьдесят девять. Сто семьдесят.
Десять. Одиннадцать. Двадцать.
Такая вот, блядь, арифметика.
Такое хуевое лето.

22 августа 2006

л.м.

мы всё делаем молча
видимся, движемся
отношения волчьи
мы как будто принюхиваемся

мы как будто играемся
друг друга подталкиваем
к тому, или к третьему
следим за реакцией

интересно, конечно же
и по юности, и по старости
пока боли не чувствуется
пока не разрастается

то, чего как бы хочется
но чего опасаемся
потому и играемся
пока есть расстояние

13 сентября 2006

* * *

Как ныне сбирается антифашист
отмстить ненавистным фашистам
он коротко стрижен, высок и плечист
и в красных ботинках за триста

бейсбольные биты, кастеты, ножи
пусть носят тупые нацисты
фальшфейер надежный в карман положил
обернутый красным батистом

выходит на улицу антифашист
а в воздухе пахнет грозою
на лавочке старой пригрелся шашист
и в шашки играет с осою

шашиста зовут магомедов али
родился и рос в центорое
теперь на кладбИще от тейпа вдали
могилы лопатою роет

у антифашиста теплеет в груди
с любовью он смотрит на доску
где ловкие смуглые пальцы али
гоняют пугливую оску

сидит беззащитный чеченский мужик
не знает о том, что в столице
страдают еврей, мусульманин, таджик
а всякая мразь веселицца

- я дам вам защиту! — антифа кричит, —
я мразей в канаве урою!
али удивленно на парня глядит
и думает о центорое

антифа ботинком стучит в тротуар
боксирует воздух умело
али магомедов, аллаху акбар,
прощается с жизнью несмелой

антифа стучит кулаком о ладонь
фальшфейер в штанах согревает
али допивает свою “оболонь”
и, кажется, все понимает

- сидел бы ты дома, — бормочет али, —
и девушку лапал руками
вы так уже всех нас, прости, заебли
своими тупыми башками

- не бойся, мужик! — молвит антифашист, -
теперь ты под нашей защитой!
не сможет тебя оголтелый нацист
прогнать из квартиры обжИтой!

- о маме подумай, — бормочет шашист, —
о детях своих нерожденных…
бежит со двора смелый антифашист
али смотрит вслед обреченно

антифа бежит со двора на проспект
фашисты с утра митингуют
фальшфейер в кармане как боекомплект
скинхеды сейчас повоюют

толпа на толпу набегает шумя
фальшфейеры хладно пылают
бутылки шампанского браво шипят
фашисты ножи обнажают

сверкнуло, хуйнуло, шарахнуло нах
антифа и фа захлестнулись
раздался могучий стотысячный ах
прохожие все оглянулись

осела антифа с ножом под ребром
на маске батистовой пена
под аркой соседней чувак с топором
взглянул и попятился: — хрена!…

и ночью на кладбище ФГУП “Ритуал”
под взглядом майора-службиста
али магомедов могилу копал
погибшему антифашисту

- аллаху акбар, — бормотал мужичок ,
лопатою стенки ровняя, —
сидел бы да телик смотрел, дурачок
слюну на попкорн оброняя…

- отставить шептаться! — прикрикнул майор, —
наехало тут экстремистов!
чечен оглянулся пугливо, как вор,
и вспомнил, как был террористом.

а где-то далёко, в заморском ЖЖ
рыдали и фа, и антифа,
а кто-то сидел у огня неглиже
кормил требухою мастифа

а кто-то под небом её целовал
глотая мгновения счастья
а кто-то восторженно деньги считал
купить турбийон на запястье

а кто-то пинал по асфальту бычок
а кто-то втыкал от пейота
а где-то могилу копал мужичок
на кладбище для идиотов

20 сентября 2006

* * *

мне останется только смотреть на тебя
на экранах, афишах, из зала
тихо ногти кусать и жалеть про себя
о словах, что ты не досказала

мы быстры и жестоки к себе и другим
мы десятками в день убиваем
мы лишь делаем вид, что чего-то хотим
мы лишь делаем вид, что страдаем

это наши дороги, твоя и моя
чуть коснулись и вновь разбежались
мы ничьи, я ничей и ты тоже ничья
и осталось лишь то, что осталось

а осталось мне только смотреть на тебя
на экранах, афишах, из зала
тихо ногти кусать и жалеть про себя
о словах, что ты не досказала

22 сентября 2006

* * *

Однажды я умер, и вот осторожно
Иду по до дороге, ведущей на небо
Гляжу, поднимается медленно в гору
Машина “Газель” ООО “Леспромхоз”

Дымит, громыхает, и ржавые крылья
Болтаются по ветру словно живые
В кабине кавказского вида водила
сидит полуголый. Прошу, чтоб подвез.

Преступности уровень иногородней
Пугает, но я уже умер, поэтому смело
Смотрю на водилы зубЫ золотые,
на зататуированное плечо.

- Ты из журналистов, подох от цирроза, -
вдруг молвит водила, сверкая глазами, -
Зовут меня Селафииле, архангел
Я тут по воспросам любви, если чё.

Я охуеваю и думаю: — Нате,
Приехали. Боже, зачем же так скоро?
- Да ладно тебе, — отвечает архангел, —
Ты вроде не грешник, как я погляжу.

- Ага, — отвечаю я Селафиилу, —
Конечно не грешник, вот только бухаю…
- А кто не бухает? — смеется архангел, —
Отец, слышь, мочит? А я отвожу.

С небес раздавались какие-то звуки
Как будто бы дети давили лягушек
Я вдруг оглянулся и вижу — в “Газели”
Полно пассажиров, таких же, как я.

Их сотни и тысячи, их миллионы
Рядами сидят у окошек салона
А я тут с архангелом просто болтаю
Наверное, бог все же любит меня.

- Я жил себе долго. был, в общем-то, счастлив, —
сказал я архангелу, — Только однажды
Случилось мне встретить красивую девку,
И дома случился кошмарный пиздец

И вот чтобы выжить в таком катаклизме,
Решил я бухать до последнего вздоха
Теперь добухался, отмучалась печень,
А я, получается, стал молодец.

- Таких молодцов у меня на дороге, —
ответил архангел, — Как грязи и больше.
Вон, видишь, еще один просит подбросить?
Иди-ка назад, я его посажу.

“Газель” тормознула и новый страдалец
С архангелом рядом упал на сиденье
- Ты из бизнесменов, — сказал Селафиил, —
Ты долго старался, как я погляжу.

- Куда же мы едем? — спросил я негромко,
Но голос мой вдруг оказался неслышен
Мы ехали долго, как будто бы вечность.
Гремела “Газель”, миллионы дебилов

Сидели вдоль окон простого салона
И молча смотрели вперед на дорогу
Которая в небо вела голубое
Где не было ни нелюбимых, ни милых.

1 октября 2006

л.м. — 2

Мы взрослые люди
И периодически
Мы умираем

На время,
как будто бы для тренировки

Одной жизни мало,
И очень болезненно
Хочется больше

Но нету,
Приходится рвать то, что есть, на кусочки

26 октября 2006г.

>

* * *

Напрасно ты умер, Август Пиночет
Во дни, когда страшный полоний
По миру ползет из буфета в буфет
Следами от потных ладоней

Ты мало убил, обезглавил и съел
Ты мало умучал в тюряге
Осталася мразь и идет по земле
И все мы теперь в передряге

Подох Литвиненко, но дело живет
Мы тоже подохнем в мученьях
И даже Роман Абрамович не пьет
Невкусного чая с печеньем

Зачем ты оставил нас, злой Пиночет
Одних с Березовским-Редгрейвом?
От альфа-спектрометров толку уж нет —
Ломаются от перегрейва

Ты сука, Аугусто, ты мерзкая тварь
Ты дешево кинул планету
И скоро останется мокрая гарь
От всех, кто остался на свете

Я нож подарю тебе нежно скорбя
Молчать! Пиночет не сдается!
Пусть вечно он будет внутри у тебя
Как в песне “Виа-Гры” поется.

11 декабря 2006

* * *

еду в ницце на феррари
рядом девушка сидит
и влюбленными глазами
на меня в упор глядит

говорю: послушай, тина
или как тебя там звать
это — не моя машина
и не надо распускать

свои тоненькие руки
скорость двести пятьдесят
не расстегивай мне брюки!
слышишь, нам уже свистят

полицейские вдогонку
отпусти мои штаны
бестолковая девчонка —
десять метров до стены

сука, дерево, не видишь?
убери свое ебло
отпусти мне хуй, не слышишь?
бля, феррари занесло!

черт, пизда, иди ты на хуй!
че ты лезешь, твою мать!
ты мне, блядь, мозги не трахай
я не должен умирать!

у меня в газпроме доля!
у меня в сбербанке счет!
боже правый твоя воля,
че за на хуй, очень жжот!

все горит, пиздец феррари
я катаюсь по земле
эта блядь уже съебала
все вокруг бегут ко мне

я очнусь, поверь мне, сука
я вернусь домой в москву
ты подохнешь в страшных муках
я тебя живьем сожгу

будут, блядь, тебе детали,
будет тэфи, будет канн
никогда так не ебали
сулеймана елдыкан

13 декабря 2006

* * *

мы устроили на даче гей-парад
рада мама, рада папа, рада брат

27 мая 2007

* * *

Грудой дел,
газетчиков бандой
день отошел,
постепенно стемнев.
Двое в комнате.
Я
и Ганди –
фотографией
на белой стене.
Рот открыт
в напряженной речи,
одежды
тряпка
вздернулась ввысь,
в складках лба
зажата
человечья,
в огромный лоб
огромная мысль.
Должно быть,
под ним
проходят тысячи…
Лес флагов…
рук трава…
Я встал со стула,
радостью высвечен,
хочется –
идти,
приветствовать,
рапортовать!
«Махатма Ганди,
я вам докладываю
не по службе,
а по душе.
Махатма Ганди,
работа адовая
будет
сделана
и делается уже.
Растем, развиваем нанотехнологии
ширится
продажа
нефти и газа…
А рядом с этим,
конешно,
много,
много
разной
дури и грязи.
Устаешь
отбиваться и отгрызаться.
Многие
без вас
отбились от рук.
Очень
много
разных мерзавцев
ходят
по нашей земле
и вокруг.
Нету
им
ни числа,
ни клички,
целая
лента типов
тянется.
Несогласные
и волокитчики,
подхалимы,
либералы
и пьяницы, –
ходят,
гордо
выпятив груди,
гранты жрут
и вещают нудно…
Мы их
всех,
конешно, скрутим,
но всех
скрутить
ужасно трудно.
Махатма Ганди,
по пляжам Сардинии,
по землям,
покрытым
коттеджным
жильем
вашим,
Махатма,
сердцем
и именем
думаем,
дышим,
боремся
и живем!..»
Грудой дел,
газетчиков бандой
день отошел,
постепенно стемнев.
Двое в комнате.
Я
и Ганди –
фотографией
на белой стене.

5 июня 2007

Нанотехнопесня

Жил на свете человек,
Нанотехноножки,
И гулял он целый век
По нанодорожке.

А за нанотехрекой
В нанотехдомишке
Жили летом и зимой
Супернаномышки.

И стояли у ворот
Нанотехноелки,
Там гуляли без забот
Нанотехноволки.

И была у них одна
Нанотехнокошка
И мяукала она,
Сидя у окошка.

А за нанотехмостом
Нанотехнобаба
По болоту босиком
Прыгала, как жаба.

И была в руке у ней
Нанотехнопалка,
И летела вслед за ней
Нанотехногалка.

feat Cornay

19 июня 2007

* * *

Золотая осень
стала ржавой жабой.
Золото и то теперь ржавеет.
Кажется, как раньше ничего уже не будет
Не просохнет, и не посветлеет.

3 октября 2007

Песенка про третий срок

Перестаньте слушать «Плавленный сырок»
Я вам песенку спою про третий срок
Пусть летит она по свету
Я дарю вам песню эту
Это песенку про третий срок

Третий срок, третий срок
Третий срок начнется вскоре
Третий срок, третий срок
Помиритесь те, кто в ссоре

Третий срок, третий срок
Разобраться если строго
То за этот третий срок
Можно сделать очень много

Третий срок, третий срок
Третий срок начнется вскоре
Третий срок, третий срок
Помиритесь те кто в ссоре

Третий срок — он не ждет,
Он у самого порога.
Экстремисты сбегут -
Их осталось так немного.

Экстремист, поспеши,
Со своим гражданским фронтом
Быстро вещи сложи
Чемодан, вокзал и Лондон

В первый срок решают люди иногда
Конституцию не трогать никогда,
Но бывает, что ткачиха
Все меняет очень лихо,
Все меняет раз и навсегда.

Третий срок недалек,
Пожелать хочу вам счастья.
Вот сидит паренек
В третий срок он будет Вася.

В третий срок, в третий срок.
Пусть подучится немного,
Он на правильном пути,
Хороша его дорога.

Третий срок — так немного,
Он на правильном пути,
Хороша его дорога.

Пусть подхватят в этот вечер сто сорок
Эту песенку мою про третий срок
Но пока мы песню пели все сороки улетели
Третий срок! Он скоро настает!

Третий срок настает,
С третьим сроком, с третьим счастьем!
Время мчит нас вперед,
Старый срок уже не властен.

Пусть кругом все поет
И цветут в улыбках лица.
Ведь на то и третий срок,
Чтобы петь и веселиться.

Третий срок настает!
С третьи сроком! С третьим счастьем!

22 октября 2007

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